Almost everyone has wanted to write to the person they used to be. The nineteen-year-old who did not know what came next. The new parent who was too tired to think. The student who was sure everyone else had a plan.
A letter to your younger self is one of the most familiar writing exercises there is. The part that people usually leave out is the second letter, the one that goes forward. This article shows how to write both, and how the first one can feed the second.
The letter everyone wants to write
The backward letter is appealing because you know something your younger self did not. You know how it turned out. You can see the fear that never came true, and the thing that seemed small and was not.
That knowledge feels like a gift, and it is. The risk is that the letter turns into a lecture, or a list of mistakes. A good one reads more like a visit from a friend who has been through it and wants to sit with you for a while.
Rules for the backward letter
Pick a specific age and a specific moment. “Dear me at 19, the month after you left school” is far better than “Dear younger me.” The more exactly you place them, the more real the letter becomes.
Write to what they did not know yet, not to what they did wrong. Your younger self was working with what they had. If you catch yourself starting a sentence with “You should have,” try “I wish you had known.”
Be kind, and be short. A page is plenty. This letter has nowhere to be sent, and that is part of it. It is written for the person holding the pen. You are not trying to win an argument with a child, or with the past.
Prompts for the younger you
Use two or three of these.
- What were you afraid of back then that never happened?
- What carried you through that stretch?
- What would you not change, even now?
- What do you wish someone had said to you?
- What was good about that time that you did not notice?
- What do you most need to hear tonight, in that kitchen?
Turn it around
Now look at what you wrote. Every kind thing you said to your younger self is something your present self may also need. And your future self is not so different from the person you were then: still working with what they have, still unsure about the road.
Take three sentences from the backward letter and rewrite them for the person you will be. “You are not behind anyone” becomes “You are not behind anyone now.” “Eat something that is not pizza” becomes “Eat something decent tonight, not standing up.”
Try it as a small exercise. Write one sentence to your younger self, then write the same thought to yourself five years from now, and read the two side by side.
Which younger self to pick
If you are not sure who to write to, look for the age at which you felt most alone, or most unsure, or most hopeful. These are the moments people tend to want to revisit. You can also pick the last time you made a decision you were afraid of.
Do not worry about choosing the “right” one. You can write more than one letter, each to a different age, and you may find that the second and third come more easily than the first. Over a few evenings you could write to yourself at ten, at sixteen and at twenty-five, and see which letter turns into the forward one.
Write the forward letter
The forward letter does not have to be long. It can be a short note built from those three borrowed sentences, with a couple of present-day details added. A date makes it a real thing: choose one a year or five years out, and send it.
When it arrives, you will have written to both ends of your own timeline. That is a surprisingly steadying thing to have done, and many people find the second letter easier than they expected, because the first one did the heavy lifting.
A sample pair
First, the backward letter.
Dear nineteen-year-old me,
You dropped out of the course and you are delivering pizzas until two in the morning. It feels like a humiliating detour, and it is not. Everything you are learning at strangers' doors about patience is going to matter. You are not behind anyone. Eat something that did not come in a box, call your mother on Sundays, and keep the library card. You will use it.
[your name]
Now the same words, turned around.
Dear future me,
Here is the same advice, turned around. You are not behind anyone. Whatever you are doing at fifty, it is not a detour. Eat something decent tonight, not standing up, call the people you love on Sunday, and keep using the library card. And be as kind to yourself as I am trying to be to that nineteen-year-old.
[your name]
A note on care
A letter to your younger self can stir up difficult memories. If you find that writing it opens grief, or brings back something that was done to you, stop when you need to. A counselor or a therapist is the right company for that kind of work, and no letter is a substitute. If you ever feel unsafe, contact a local emergency number or a crisis line.
Sending the forward letter
You can choose any date from tomorrow up to 20 years ahead. We email it that day, between 8:00 and noon in your time zone, to the address you enter. A saved letter cannot be edited or cancelled, and nothing is emailed when you write, so keep a copy of both letters if you want them together. Letters are stored as plain text, so keep passwords and very private details out of them.
Write it now
Pick an age and a moment, and write the backward letter first. Keep it kind and under a page. Then take three sentences from it, turn them toward yourself, and schedule the forward letter. You will have written to both of the people who need you.
