A birthday comes back every year on a date you already know. That makes it a good place to start a habit of writing to yourself, rather than a single letter. Each letter can answer the one before it, and after a few years you have a record of how you changed.
Why birthdays suit a letter
A birthday repeats, so a letter tied to it becomes a series. Each one can be read next to the others, which a single letter cannot offer.
Read one letter alone and it is a snapshot. Read five in a row and a pattern appears, such as a worry that comes back every spring.
A birthday also gives the letter a reason to exist: you are writing to the person who will be looking back at this birthday from the next one.
Choose which birthday it will reach
Start by deciding which birthday the letter should reach. If it is your next birthday, it may be less than a year away, and the quick presets might cover it. For a birthday further ahead, pick a specific date yourself, because the presets stop at three years.
Pick the exact day you want, not a rounded number. You can choose any date from tomorrow up to 20 years ahead. The earliest date you can pick is tomorrow, so if your birthday is today, choose that day one year from now.
The email arrives on that day, between 8:00 and noon in your time zone. It will not come at midnight, and you do not choose the exact minute. Plan around that window, not around a particular time on the clock.
Rotate four prompts
Four prompts work well in rotation. Lead each year's letter with one prompt, then answer the other three in a sentence or two. The prompts are:
- What has changed since last year?
- What are you proud of, even if it is small?
- What are you curious about now?
- What do you want to ask your future self?
Lead with a different prompt each year: change, pride, curiosity, a question. If a year calls for a different order, follow the year.
Each prompt works best with a concrete answer. For change, name three things: a job you started, a habit you dropped, and a person you stopped seeing. For pride, name one thing you did that you would not have done a year earlier.
For curiosity, pick one topic you keep coming back to. For a question, ask one thing you want to know by next year, and be ready for the answer to be “not yet”.
Small additions for any year
Some readers like to add one or two lighter lines. These fit almost any birthday letter:
- Name the song you played most this year.
- Describe the room you are sitting in right now.
- Name one person you are glad you met.
- List one thing you finished and one you started.
Keep these optional. If you only have ten minutes, a short paragraph is plenty.
Read last year's letter first
Before you write, open last year's letter. Read it once, slowly, and notice what it asked. Answer one of those questions in the new letter, even if the honest answer is that nothing has changed.
This step is what turns a set of letters into a conversation. Without it, each letter starts from scratch, and the series loses its thread.
Suppose last year's question was whether a routine would stick. This year's answer can be one honest sentence. It might read, “It slowed down in winter, and I let it.” A short answer is enough, and it gives the next letter something to build on.
If this is your first birthday letter, skip this step and write the first one now. The next birthday will give you something to read.
Keep the letters together
The success message gives a Letter ID, not the text, so keep your own copy of each one. Save the text in one folder, note or document named for the series. Put the delivery date at the top of each entry.
One folder keeps the series in order. You can add a photo of the cake, the list of songs, or nothing at all. The copy you keep is the one you will read next year.
Some people keep paper copies in a drawer, and others keep a note on a phone or computer. Either works. What matters is that you can find the letters in ten years, so choose a place you already check, and write that place down in the first entry.
You cannot edit a letter once it is scheduled, so reread it before you finish. Fix the typos and the wrong dates now, because later changes are not possible on the site.
A sample birthday letter
Here is a short letter for a 35th birthday. It opens by quoting last year's question and answering it.
Dear future me,
Last year I asked, “Will the running routine stick?” It mostly did. I ran three mornings a week until the winter, then it slowed down, and I am fine with that.
This year I am proud of something smaller. I called my brother back the same day, twice in a row. I am curious whether you still call him on Sundays.
Happy birthday, older me. I hope the question I ask you next year is one you can answer.
[your name]
The sample answers last year's question, names one small proud moment, and asks one curious question. It does not promise anything about the future.
To adapt it, replace the running with whatever you were asking about last year. Keep the three parts, and let the details be yours. Your letter can be longer or shorter than this one, and the thirty-five is only the example.
Write it now
Choose the birthday you want the letter to reach, and pick that exact date. Write one answer to a prompt from the list, and reread last year's letter first if you have one. Then copy the letter into your folder before you finish.
