When you are about to make a big decision, your thinking is probably as clear as it will ever be. You know the options, the people involved and the doubts that keep you awake. Within a few weeks, that picture begins to fade. Once you have chosen, it becomes surprisingly easy to feel that you knew all along how it would go.
A decision letter keeps the original picture. You write down what you are choosing and why, and send the letter to yourself months ahead. When it arrives, you can see what you really knew on the day.
Why write before you choose
There are two reasons. The first is that writing slows you down. Putting reasons into sentences shows you which ones are strong and which are only loud.
The second is that the letter gives you a fair record to learn from. Some people keep this kind of record in a notebook and call it a decision journal. A letter does the same job and adds a delivery date, so that you cannot skip the review. It arrives when the outcome has begun to show.
The decision letter, field by field
You do not need a form. A few plain questions, answered in your own words, will do.
- What am I choosing between?
- What does each option cost me, in time, money or peace?
- What are my real reasons, including the ones I would not say at dinner?
- What do I expect to happen, and by when?
- What would have to be true for me to change my mind?
- How sure am I, as a percentage?
- How do I feel today, in my body and my mood?
Add one more line if it helps: who have I talked to, and what did they say? It is useful to know later whether you were deciding alone or following someone else's advice.
Make your expectations specific
“I think it will work out” tells your future self nothing. “By June I expect to have finished the first project and to know whether I like the commute” gives them something to check.
Put dates on your guesses where you can. Also write down what would count as a bad sign, such as three weeks of dreading Monday. When you read the letter later, you will be able to say honestly whether the signs showed up.
The fields in use: a job decision
Say you are deciding whether to leave a steady job for a smaller one. Under “what does each cost,” you might write: staying costs me my evenings and my patience, leaving costs me a third of my pay and some pride. Under “real reasons”: I am more afraid of staying another five years than of leaving. Under “what would change my mind”: if my savings fall below six months of costs.
That paragraph says more than you will remember about this choice in a year. You have named a fear, a number and an exit condition. A year from now you will not have to guess what you were thinking, because it will be there in your own words.
When it should arrive
Do not send it to arrive the day after you decide. Too little will have happened. The letter is most useful when the first real results are in.
For a new job, that might be after your first performance review or the end of the first year. For a move, it could be after the first winter. For a big purchase, six months of living with it is plenty. If you are unsure, six months to a year is a sensible default.
What the letter is not
This is not a bet, and you are not trying to be right. It is not a vow either, so you are still free to change your mind. And the letter is not a verdict on the person you were.
It also does not give advice on money, law or health. For decisions in those areas, the letter records your thinking, and you still need to ask someone qualified.
Writing it when you are torn
If you cannot decide, the letter can still help. Write both versions of the next year, one for each choice, and say how each feels as you imagine it. Often one of them is written faster, or with more warmth, and that tells you something. If neither does, you can write the letter anyway, say that you are torn, and send it to the day after you expect to have chosen.
Reading it later
When the email arrives, read the letter before you remind yourself how things turned out. See what you expected and what you feared. Then compare it with the real picture.
Try to separate the decision from the result. A good decision can still have a bad outcome, and a bad decision can sometimes turn out well. Ask what you knew then and what you could not have known. The things you missed are the useful part, and they will make the next letter better.
Practical notes
We email it on the day you chose, between 8:00 and noon in your time zone. A saved letter cannot be edited or cancelled, so be sure the wording says what you mean. There are no reminders, and nothing is emailed when you write. If you want a copy, keep one yourself.
Letters are stored as plain text, so leave out account numbers, passwords and other people's private details.
A decision letter in full
Dear future me,
I am choosing between two offers, and I am taking the smaller salary. My reasons: the work is close to home, my mother is seventy-one, and the team seemed happy. The honest extra reason is that I am tired of proving myself. I expect to know by spring whether the work suits me. I would change my mind if the manager keeps moving the goalposts. Today I feel relieved and a bit sick. Tell me what happened.
[your name]
Write it now
Pick one decision you are facing and answer the questions above in a letter. Add one line about what would change your mind. Choose a date after the first real results are in, and send it.
