At one in the morning, worries have a way of circling. Each one comes back around before you have finished with the last. A common piece of advice is to write them down, and that does help: once a worry is on paper, it stops spinning quite so fast.
This article adds one step that the advice usually skips. Give the list a date. You write it today, send it to yourself a year from now, and let your future self do the sorting.
An old tool with a return ticket
The worry list is simple. You name what is bothering you, in plain words, and you stop carrying it in your head. The usual instruction ends there: put the list away and do not look at it again.
A letter lets you look at it again, on purpose, at a time you choose. When the email arrives, you are a year older, you know how at least some of it turned out, and you can read your own fears with a calm that the writer did not have. That is the whole idea. The list comes back.
How to write the list
Be specific. “Money” tells you very little in a year, but “the car repair, probably about $900, and the card I have not paid yet” will bring the whole week back to you.
Write each worry as a sentence a friend could understand. Include who is involved, what the date is if there is one, and what you are afraid will happen. Do not tidy it up or make it sound more reasonable than it feels. This is a private list for one reader, and that reader will be glad of the honesty.
Number the items. Numbers make the sorting easier later, and they give you a rough sense of how many things were on your mind at once.
What a good worry line looks like
Here are four lines at different sizes, so you can see the range.
- The scan on Thursday: I am afraid it will show something I cannot fix.
- Rent goes up in March, and I do not know if I can stay.
- My brother has not texted in a month, and I think I did something wrong.
- Everyone I know seems further along than I am.
Notice that each line names a person, a date or a feeling. That is what lets you recognize it a year from now.
The one rule: worries only
Keep solutions out of the list. If a worry comes with an obvious next step, do that step outside the letter, or write it somewhere else. Also leave out the cheerful ending that says everything will be fine. You do not know that yet, and the version of you who reads it will be able to tell.
If you notice that you are arguing with yourself on the page, stop and move on to the next item. The list does not have to be fair. It only has to be true.
What to ask your future self
End the letter with a small request, so the reading has a shape. Something like: “Sort these into three piles. What happened, what faded, and what is still here. Be gentle with the ones that came true.”
The three piles do quiet work. The first pile shows you what you were right to worry about, and how you handled it. The second shows you the worries that turned out to need nothing from you. The third tells you what still deserves attention, and those items can go straight into the next letter.
Why a year
A year is long enough for most ordinary worries to resolve or change shape, and short enough that you still remember the weather of the day you wrote it. If a worry has its own timeline, such as an exam or a job decision, you can choose a shorter date and send a second letter later.
The email arrives on the day you choose, between 8:00 and noon in your time zone. Nothing is sent when you write, and a saved letter cannot be edited or cancelled, so write what you are willing to receive. Keep a copy if you would like one, and use an email address you expect to have for the whole year. Letters are stored as plain text, so keep other people's secrets and anything you would not want seen out of the list. Write your side, not their private business.
What this does not do
Be realistic about the exercise. It will not make worries disappear, and it does not promise that most of them will fade. Some of what you list will come true, and some will still be there when the letter arrives. The aim is to see your own ratio, in your own typed words, and to learn how you got through it. You are allowed to have worried over nothing.
If your worrying feels constant or crushing, a letter is not the right tool by itself. Please talk to a doctor, a counselor or someone you trust. If you ever feel unsafe, contact a local emergency number or a crisis line right away.
When the letter arrives
Read it slowly, perhaps with a cup of tea. Do not judge the person who wrote it. Go through the list and put each item in one of the three piles, as you asked.
Then look at the first pile. Notice what you did when each of those things happened, and say a quiet thank you to the person who handled it. If something is still on the list, decide whether it belongs in a new letter. You can start the next one the same day.
The list, as a letter
Dear future me,
Here is what is keeping me up tonight. One: the scan on Thursday. Two: whether the landlord renews in March. Three: my brother has not texted back in a month. Four: money, mostly the car. Five: the feeling that I am behind everyone I know. I am not asking you to say these were silly. Please sort them into what happened, what faded and what is still here, and be gentle with any that came true. Make tea first.
[your name]
Write it now
Take ten minutes tonight and list what is on your mind, in plain sentences, with numbers. Add your request at the end, choose a date a year away, and send the letter. Then try to sleep. The list is written, the date is chosen, and a year from now you are the one who does the sorting.
